


Damaged

by Endlesskylotrash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dominant Kylo Ren, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Forced Orgasm, Hux is Not Nice, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Inappropriate Use of Lightsabers, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Multi, No Spoilers, Oral Sex, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Rough Sex, Smut, So Wrong It's Right, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-02-17 13:56:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13078296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endlesskylotrash/pseuds/Endlesskylotrash
Summary: Kylo Ren was a tall man with a broad frame, currently hidden by the huddled position of his body. Large hands clung desperately to the black hair splayed around his face, wet with sweat and tears. The black robes clung to his muscular body and contorted as he rock back and forth muttering something incomprehensible under his breath. His infamous helmet lay shattered on the ground beneath him, mocking, teasing, laughing. In an instant, he was off the ground and pacing, his hands clenched tightly at his side. Hidden within his chambers were the constant assault of emotions, things he was not supposed to feel and yet they were as real as the air he breathed. He was damaged, but then so were you.





	1. The Spark

You had never amounted to much in your parent’s eyes, a failed experimentation of human life that hadn’t gone to plan. On your planet, it was custom to join the resistance after completing years of schooling and yet when you had finished, there was nothing for you. You were intrigued by the opposing option, sure the first order seemed cruel and evil, but that’s all you were ever told, maybe it was something completely different. 

And so, in the dark of the night with a small satchel of your belongings, you stole a small cruiser and left your home planet for good. It was from there you were locked in on by a first order ship and you had been there ever since. The questioning process was long and tiring but after around four hours they had deemed your interest in the first order admirable and had welcomed you with generous arms. It had only been a month since you had left home and you were content working on the newest Starkiller ship.

Your job was simple enough, manage the control systems at night, make sure nothing was out of the ordinary and don’t touch anything else. You smiled to yourself as you sat on the empty bridge, the red lights glowing from the glasslike black floors, your legs propped up on the main system's base. A sudden beep from your datapad made you jump and hit your knee against the control panel. 

“Shit.” 

Begrudgingly getting up, you shuffled over to the large datapad that had ruined your peaceful silence. 

‘Galactic storm warning, be alert of outages and electrical surges’

With an eyebrow raised you gently placed the datapad back down and walked towards the large window. Behind the blue planet you were passing you could make out a violent swirling of black and green gas, with lightning emerging every few seconds. This wasn’t something you had seen before. Your heart picked up in pace as you and the ship moved closer and closer. Backing away from the window you made your way towards the door to ask one of the Stormtroopers if they knew what the protocol was, but as soon as you went to open the door a bright flash of white lightning blinded your vision and knocked the main power off on the ship. All that was left was the red lights and a blaring alarm. 

Looking around, sparks were flying from the control panels and there was smoke starting to fill the room. Turning quickly back to the door, you went to punch in the command code to unlock the secured metal, but to your horror, the access screen was fried and you were trapped. The air started to get heavy with smoke from the growing mechanical fires, and your vision began to decrease. Your fists connected with the metal door as you began to pound and scream for help, your efforts hardly making any sound against the thick metal. 

“Help, please there is someone trapped on the main deck!” Your screams echoed off of the door and back into the main bridge. 

“PLEASE!” 

But there was no response. 

You heaved your body away from the door and quickly back to it, ramming your shoulder into the hard surface, desperate to escape the burning room. A sharp pain filled your body and you gritted your teeth before slamming back into the door. Tears were now streaming down your face as everything around you burned away. You saw your life begin to pass by, everything you had done, everything you wouldn’t get the chance to do. You dropped to the floor and clung desperately to yourself, your hands latched around your legs. At first, it was sadness, the despair of not living, not knowing. 

And then it turned into anger, raging and burning, an anger you had never felt before. It didn’t stop. The fury kept building and went deeper and deeper into your being and into your soul. A scream ripped from your body and fresh tears came down as you pulled at your hair. You felt your anger leave. Your body fell towards the ground and in the brief moment of consciousness you had left, your eyes traveled to the door of the main bridge and saw the gaping hole where the heavy metal once stood. And then there was darkness.

A faint beeping made its way into your brain, and it wouldn’t stop. Then soft voices echoed into your head, adding to the now assault on your peace and quiet. 

“I believe (Y/N) will recover just fine albeit some post emotional trauma from the situation General Hux.” 

“Good, do not let anyone else undertake her care other than you and your assistant, no one other than myself and superiors are allowed into these chambers.” 

“I didn’t think this girl was important, just some control systems analyst from her records?”

“If you so much as place a scratch on this girl supreme leader Snoke will not hesitate to kill you and everyone else on this ship, do you understand me, doctor?” 

“Yes General, of course.” 

You groaned and went to turn your body to shove your face into the soft pillow, but as soon as you moved your eyes shot open and a searing pain shot through your right shoulder. The room was bright, blurry at first, but as your vision cleared you could make out a collection of machines monitoring your body, and two men standing at the foot of your bed. 

“What the hell happened?” 

Your voice was hoarse, barely a whisper as you stared incredulously up at the two men. A moment of recognition passed your features as you took in the tall redhead in front of you. His hair was slicked back, and his black uniform was in perfect place as he stood regally above you.  


“Doctor, I believe it is time for you to leave.”

General Hux nodded towards the stormtrooper standing outside of the door and made his way to the side of your bed as the doctor was ushered out of the room. You grimaced slightly at the slamming of the door signaling you were now completely alone with the general of the first order.

You had never been formally introduced to the important staff of the new Starkiller ship let alone the top authority of the first order. It was only in passing or through rumors that you knew who each person was. You knew who to stay away from, who to trust. But you had never seen the general before, only heard about him in stories. He wasn’t unattractive at all really, despite the permanent scowl on his face and his slightly pouted lips he was a sight for sore eyes. Not that you were interested in companionship, then again you had never really had companionship before. You wonder what it might feel like to touch his hair. Your eyes grew slightly as you shook the thought from your head, you must’ve taken a really big fall on the bridge.

“Where am I?”

The second time using your voice was not nearly as bad as the first. You looked around and took in your surroundings. The machines were all monitoring your vitals, but the room didn’t look familiar. It was a different design from the Starkiller support ship. The walls were a darker metal, more expensive, the doors were fewer hunks of metal and more complicated machinery. Even the lights seemed a nicer hue of stark white.

“We are on the Finalizer, and you are currently in the hospital wing.”

You rolled your eyes slightly but kept your snide comments to yourself. It was painfully obvious you were in the hospital wing, but you were already treading on dangerous grounds.

“There was an uncharted galactic storm that made contact with the support ship you were stationed on. When it hit the storm fried the systems and trapped you in your station.”

The general cleared his throat slightly before continuing.

“Luckily one of my Stormtroopers was able to rescue you and placed you in one of the escape pods before the support ship was compromised.”

Flashes of that night ran in your head, the white light, the fires, the smoke. But there was something else, some part of his story wasn’t right. Your brain struggled to connect the pieces but the strain was too much. You looked at Hux skeptically.

“Ok, how long have I been out for?”

The general kept his neat composure and perfect military stance.

“Two weeks.”

You choked slightly at his words. You had been completely out for two entire weeks, and you had no idea what happened in that span of time. It didn’t seem like you had sustained any severe injuries, maybe a dislocated shoulder and some minor smoke poisoning, but nothing that could knock you out cold for two whole weeks. Again, you searched for the missing piece of the story, but there was nothing to be found, just darkness. Your head began to throb slightly at the effort, so you changed concerns. You assumed that your position was demolished along with the ship, and being that you were pretty much the lowest class possible you had no idea what your future looked like. It wasn’t that you were incompetent, you were really quite smart, but you weren’t trained for first order systems you were trained for resistance systems.

“Ok, so now what happens General?”

Again, the man stayed perfectly still, he must’ve been uncomfortable from standing like that all day.

“That is to be decided by Supreme leader Snoke, he has requested an audience with you and that is where we will be going now.”

As soon as he finished his sentence two stormtroopers entered the room and took place by his side, and following them the doctor from before entered behind. He was an older man, handsome, with slightly greying brunette hair and kind brown eyes. Walking around the trio of authority he made his way to your side.

“I’m Doctor Archay, I’ve been treating you for the past two weeks. Now I know this is going to be slightly difficult, but do you think you can walk?”

You smiled at the doctor, he seemed nice enough, but you were quite capable of walking by yourself.

“Thank you, but I think I should be just fine getting up.”

The bed was situated so that you were propped up, all you had to do was swing your legs across and stand. You weren’t sure why they were making such a big deal from such small injuries. You moved your legs over to one side of the bed, your black hospital pants causing static with the blankets. Moving them aside, you placed your feet on the ground and pushed up to stand. It hurt your shoulder pushing up, but other than the obvious pain you weren’t sure what the fuss was about. Then you noticed the room starting to spin, and your body temperature plummeted to freezing cold and immediately back to hot. Your vision began to go spotty and your knees buckled, but you never met the floor. You felt hands grasp under your good shoulder and lift you back up onto the bed allowing you to regain your composure. When the spots had gone you looked up into the eyes of Doctor Archay.

“Like I said kid, it’s going to be a little hard.”

You shook off the dizziness and laughed breathily. Doctor Archay offered his hand and pulled you up slowly this time, supporting you by your waist. You two waited a minute, and you nodded at him to let him know you were not going to fall to your knees again. He smiled at you and let go. You were much more balanced this time, but it was disturbing to you how all of your energy was drained so much after two full weeks of rest. Regardless you shook the thought off and turned towards Hux and his men.

“Ok General, let’s go.”

It was as if he was bored when he looked up to meet your gaze.

“If you would follow me then.”

Doctor Archay gave a faint smile as you walked out the door, and you kindly returned it. You followed after the two Stormtroopers and Hux down the hallway of the medical bay, and through the doors into the main hallways. There were people in pristine uniforms walking to and from, troopers walking in units down the halls, and crew scrambling about to tend to their jobs. You were surprised at how night and day the differences were from your support ship to the real thing. You clung to your hurt arm as you kept up with the quick pace. A few turns later and you entered a locked corridor. It was darker now you had noticed, the lighting seemed scarcer and there were hardly any workers bustling about save for the random droid here and there. General Hux entered the pin for the corridor and the door hissed open to reveal a black hallway dimly lit and completely empty. The two Stormtroopers waited at the outside of the door and moved into armed positions.

You raised an eyebrow as Hux continued without even looking back at you. He was quick paced and very confident of where he was going, that was for sure. Sighing you entered the hallway and slowly made your way down. Hux turned to say something to you, but you were not behind him. His mouth hung open for a brief second at the empty spot before whipping his head to look down the hall. His blue eyes twitched as you took your time getting to him, you were in no rush to meet one of the most infamous people in the first order, not to mention how absolutely weak you felt. Finally, you had caught up with the redheaded man, and looked up at him for the next move.

“Wait here.”

He turned on his heel and entered into another small corridor leaving you alone. You looked around and there was nothing but metal everywhere. You began to wonder why you were even here, why had they needed you to come all the way to meet the supreme leader? You gasped slightly. What if they had blamed you for the fire on the Starkiller support ship, what if they thought you were a resistance spy, what if they were going to kill you? But before you could get any further with your worst case scenarios a noise quickly drew you out of your thoughts. Your head whipped around to see what it was, but there was still nothing there. You shook your head and laughed at yourself, it was probably some droid making routine repairs. Again, you retreated back into your mind, playing with your thoughts.

But as soon as you were comfortable in the walls of your head, you heard a distinct whispering coming from the small corridor Hux had gone down. It wasn’t just one voice though, it was like a hundred voices were whispering in unison, calling to you. It was like they needed someone, they needed something from you. Your feet began to move down into the corridor, darkness surrounding you. The only light was the red emanating from the massive closed door. As you walked closer the voices got louder, you needed to know what they were saying, they were calling to you. Your arm lifted and your hand reached towards the door, your fingers stretching to touch the metal, the voices invading your thoughts, but before you had the chance to make contact the door swung open and you fell to the ground.

A massive figure stood over you shrouded in black.


	2. Teach Me

A massive figure stood over you shrouded in black, Kylo Ren. 

If you had any common sense you would’ve scrambled to get up and run, but the voices were even louder now that you were in his shadow. Your emotions flickered and your head began to break out in a searing pain, but you couldn’t make them go away…you didn’t want them to go away. Confusion fell over you and then hurt, pain, and an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. You felt like it had been hours before either of you moved. 

“Get up girl.” 

His words came out from a modulator, but it couldn’t hide the deepness of his voice. You noticed Kylo Ren’s stance was different than Hux’s, he was more powerful but less formal, less put together. You had heard rumors of what he was capable of, and now seeing him above you there was no doubt that all of them were true. You pushed up from the floor with your good arm and stood, wavering slightly, praying you would not faint in front of this man. Your eyes widened at the height difference between the two of you. It was true that you were taller than most women but he made you feel like you were as small as a child, and yet you weren’t scared. 

“Follow me.” 

Again, his voice crackled through his dark mask. Your heart began to race as you looked past the man into a large circular room, the dark walls casting strange shadows in the eerie light. You followed him in through the doors. The black floors looked like glass and you saw your reflection staring back at you. Your hair was wild and your face looked even paler moving in the cold light. As you continued into the center of the room you saw general Hux waiting impatiently, his stance rigid. The commander stopped next to the general and the pair both dropped to one knee. Your eyebrow raised at the sight, but you were taken out of your confusion when a massive hologram lit up the room. A dark chuckle echoed off of the metal walls. You were too overwhelmed to even think about the cordialities of meeting with the supreme leader as you stood gawking up at the old man. 

“My loyal servants have told me about you (y/n), and you have intrigued me.” 

He sat on a throne-like chair, leisurely tapping his long fingernails against the arm as he looked you up and down. Your body was rigid and you felt a disgusting sense of being violated by his gaze. 

“Tell me, Ren, have you felt it too?” 

You looked back at the commander, seeing him bowed, his head towards the floor. 

“Yes supreme leader, I have sensed it too.” 

Looking back, Snoke nodded his head and laughed. “What do you say we test our theory, my young apprentice?” 

You froze as you heard the blaring sound of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber igniting. 

“Yes master.” 

The red glow from his saber began getting closer and closer, and you turned to meet with the edge of his crackling weapon. Your face was hot as the knight pointed the edge of the saber inches away from the bridge of your nose. 

“Please, I’m not sure what you want from me, I swear I didn’t start the fire. It wasn’t my fault!” 

Your voice cracked before you felt your airways start to close, your hands flying up to grasp your throat. The lack of oxygen began to make your vision go in and out of focus, and you tried to scream as you felt your feet leave the ground. Your heart was pounding in your ear, and you could feel your body burning. You pleaded with your eyes for the commander to let you go, but it seemed like all of your efforts were going to waste. Tears began to stream down your hot cheeks as the realization of what was happening hit you. 

You had escaped death once and now this was really it. But this time it was not waves of sadness that began to roll through your body, but waves of pure rage. You felt yourself drop to the floor and your airways opened up as you began to cough violently. Through your tears, you could make out black boots that stood only a few inches away. Raising your head, your eyes met with the dark form of Kylo Ren standing above you, lightsaber raised to strike. 

The next moments happened as if time itself had slowed. His arms raised higher and then downwards towards your body, his lightsaber crackling through the air, the thrum deafening in your ears. You curled your body inwards and let out a terrified scream. It echoed off of the walls, silencing every other noise in the room. You felt your body moving across the floor, the light of lightsaber disappeared, and time seemed to regain its normal pace. Your arms were still grasped onto your legs as you slowly looked up from the ground. Snoke’s laughter filled the room, as you looked back from the door you had come in from. The figures of Kylo Ren and general Hux stood far away now, and the hologram of the supreme leader was smiling from ear to mutated ear. 

“Well done my girl, well done.” 

He clapped his large hands together, as you stood from your spot on the ground. Your body felt drained and your hands shook as you walked back over to the center of the room, scared at what might happen if you retreated anymore. 

“What happened?” 

Your voice sounded distant and strained. Again, a dark chuckle escaped from the supreme leader as he leaned down to face you. 

“You have a gift my child, a gift that has been given throughout the centuries. The gift of light and dark, the gift of absolute power.”  
He smiled wickedly down at you. 

“And you could have this power, the power to strike down your enemies, to control those who are weak minded, to help the First Order succeed in snuffing out the republic. You could help us rule the galaxy if you are willing to be taught.” 

You looked around to see the face of general Hux, his proud demeanor never faltering, and Kylo Ren who stood firmly next to him. Flashes of your life floated past, your parents disowning you, the resistance ruining any future with them. Feelings of betrayal and pain began to surface, the anger of all the years that you had tried so hard to hide away. 

“Teach me, supreme leader, teach me how to kill them all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone that has read this so far, I appreciate you guys so so much. All of the comments and kudos have been making my day!


	3. Obedience

"Teach me, supreme leader, teach me how to kill them all."

 

You were surprised at the words that had come out of your mouth. Turning to look at the General and the Commander, you could see that they were too. Who would think a lowly ship worker would show up out of nowhere and cause such a disturbance in the force, let alone be willing to train for the first order. There must've been hesitation, they couldn't trust you like this, there had to be limitations, contingencies. You felt sick at the realization that was coming over you. You had meant every word of what you said. The anger you felt, the pain that radiated from the depths of your soul knew you needed this, knew you wanted it.

The Supreme leader, bowed his head slightly in acknowledgment.

 

"You will begin training tomorrow morning, that will be all for now."

 

His voice echoed across the room, but he was gone before the whispers came to a stop. You looked over at Hux and Ren for what to do next.

 

"Well then, I suppose you will be needing chambers on board."

 

Hux stepped towards you with a scowl fixed on his otherwise handsome face. You slapped yourself mentally, you had to stop thinking of your superiors in that way. You nodded at him and followed him out of the dark space. But before you turned the corner you glanced back at Kylo Ren. His posture was stiff, his shoulders set in place, and his head titled ever so slightly before you turned back around and out the room.

There was a weird feeling in your stomach.

You followed Hux out of the hallway and down multiple corridors until you reached what looked like the housing space on the Finalizer. Each door was a good distance apart, the lights were warmer, well as warm as it could get on a first order ship. The both of you stopped at one the doors at the end of the corridor.

 

"This corridor was just built, you will be the only one living in this cell block, if you need anything there is a datapad in your room to contact a trooper for assistance."

 

Hux handed you the key card for the doors security system and promptly left. Your eyes widened a bit at the sudden dismissal but softened again once your brain had processed that this was General Hux you were talking about. Sighing, you turned towards the large metal door and pressed the key card against the card reader plate. Glowing a light green, the machine beeped happily, and the door lock clicked open. You pressed your hand against the cool metal and pushed to reveal a small but cozy living quarter inside. As per usual everything was regulation white, but it wasn't as cool and harsh as the rest of the ship. The living room held a small black leather couch and black coffee table with your new datapad laying neatly on top. There was no kitchen you noticed, but two doors that lead to the bedroom and bathroom. You peeked into the first door, a queen-sized bed lay in the middle of the room draped in black bedding and black pillows. You chuckled to yourself at the creativity the design team had put into this room concept. Walking out you peeked into the bathroom, again an all-white ensemble of a sink, toilet, and shower embellished with…you guessed it black towels. Shaking your head, you plopped down onto the small sofa and reached for the datapad.

 

_New message from Commander Ren_

_You will begin training tomorrow promptly starting at 4:30, you will meet me in the combat room ready to begin_

 

You raised an eyebrow at the tone of the message, hard and formal, but commanding nonetheless. It wasn't that you were surprised, after all it was Kylo Ren that you were talking to, but it was a new feeling to you. You didn't bother to reply, opting for the option of showing up early to your training, a sign of dedication you would hope. Forcing your body to move you made your way back into the bedroom and plopped down onto the dark sheets and soft mattress. Letting out a satisfied sigh you smiled a bit, allowing yourself a brief moment of bliss before the hell that would start tomorrow. It wasn't long before you had fallen asleep, your body half on the bed and half off, your mind drifting to silence.

A sudden light awoke your senses, your body still asleep but your instincts awake. It was bright, invading the comfortable warmth of sleep with a harshness you didn't quite understand. Groggily you rubbed your eyes before peeling them open to your surroundings. The lights in the room had turned on automatically, a daily wakeup call perhaps for the new lodgings on board. You would need to fix that. Sighing you pushed your body up and off the bed, long legs connecting with the cold floor and made your way out into the small living space. Picking up your new datapad the time flashed brightly awakened by the movement.

 

_5:00 A.M._

 

FUCK. You scrambled back into the bedroom pulling on whatever clothes you had ripped from the drawers and ran towards the door. You didn't even know where the combat room was on this ship! Locking the door swiftly behind you raced down the empty corridor and towards the bustling center of the ship. Your hair flew wildly behind you as you came upon a group of officers.

 

"Where is the combat room?"

 

You were out of breath and wild-eyed as you all but screamed your question. The officers looked scared as they all simultaneously pointed towards a small corridor to your left.

 

"Thanks."

 

You screamed as you bolted down the hallway. Relief washed over your body as you came upon a door with a sign that said combat room. Pushing open the door you ran inside but came to a screeching halt as you ran into what felt like a stone wall. You rubbed your head from your place on the floor and looked up to see what you had made contact with.

Staring down at you was a tall man with dark flowing hair and dark eyes, full lips pursed into a less than agreeable reaction to your commotion….a stone wall it was not.

 

"I am so sorry, are you ok?"

 

Pushing yourself off the ground you looked up worriedly at the man, his expression not changing. Except for his eyes you noticed, they held a look of confusion at your concern and something else you couldn't quite place. 

 

"I was supposed to meet Commander Ren here at 4:30 and my alarm didn't go off, not that I had one set, I'm not used to the datapad they assigned me, and I woke up late, and I freaked out because you do not want to make him mad, and that lightsaber, I mean do I have to say anything else and."

 

The man stopped your ramblings with the clearing of his throat.

 

"You are late, go to the center of the mat and sit."

 

His deep voice struck a chord in your body, a chord that you did not want to admit where it led. Who was this guy?

 

"Okay…but where is?"

 

Again, the man interrupted you mid-sentence.

 

"I said sit."

 

You did as you were told and made your way to the center of the room and sat on your now sore ass, wincing slightly as you made contact with the kind of soft but mostly hard mat. The tall man paced around you once, and in that time you took in his looks. He was built nicely, it was obvious he was strong, his roman nose complimenting his full lips as he looked at you. It was like he commanded the space as he walked in…there was something so familiar about him. You would love to be even more familiar with him you thought as you secretly ogled when he turned his back for the briefest of seconds.

 

"Where is Commander Ren?"

 

  
Your voice pierced through the hard silence that fell uncomfortably in the room. He turned his body back towards you and spoke.

 

"When you are in this room you will not ask questions, you will not do anything you are not told, and foremost you will do everything you are told…full obedience is expected."

 

He paced his steps with each infliction of his voice as it rumbled from his broad chest until he was towering above you, boots centimeters from your folded knees.

 

"Let's begin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVENT UPDATED THIS IN FOREVER BECAUSE I AM AN ABSOLUTE SHIT PERSON BUT IM BACK AND READY TO WRITE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS FIC! Hope you guys like the new chapter :)


	4. Hide and Seek

"Let's begin." 

You opened your mouth to ask a question, but the words got stuck in your throat at the thought of disobeying the so-called rules of these sessions. Would anything even happen if you asked a question anyways, maybe he was just trying to intimidate the newbie? He could be one of the lesser known Knights of Ren. Most people only knew about Kylo Ren and not the order that he had created from ash, it was admirable in a sense when you looked at it. 

"So…what happens if I ask a question?" 

You really were never one to follow strict rules, loopholes and compromises were more your forte, but this time the words had just slipped from your mouth on pure instinct, no thought required. You dared to look up at the man to gauge his reaction. His eyes had widened a fraction, and his lips pressed together, all subtleties of his otherwise stoic demeanor. And then, nothing. 

"I will let Commander Ren decide the outcome of your disobedience, for now we will begin your lesson." 

His deep voice was thoughtful as he walked around and sat down on the matt opposite you. 

"What do you know about the force?" 

The man's question was sudden, and you jumped slightly as he lifted his head to look at you. His eyes bore into yours and you noticed the little details in the harsh lighting. The warm brown mixed with a swirl of amber, if he wasn't so serious you might have even called them soft. 

"Um, not much other than they can control things, and they have lightsabers?" 

You mentally slapped yourself for such a dumb answer. He shifted slightly and rose his hands to the middle of the both of you. 

"Put your hands on mine." 

You looked at him confused and then down to his hands. They were strong hands, large and you assumed calloused. Hesitantly raising your own you placed them lightly on top of his. You were surprised at how soft they were, and how steady he held them in place. 

"Now focus on the energy, feel the vibrations." 

His voice was low, softer now. You took a deep breath and slowly let it out, trying to focus on the feeling, but there was nothing. You reached out again to whatever energy was around you, but it was cold, dead. 

"I don't feel anything." 

You whispered out into the silence.

"Close your eyes, stop thinking so hard." 

You nodded your head and tried again, this time allowing your breathing to rise and fall naturally, the harshness of the room washing away as you closed your eyes. You felt the warmth of his hands radiating onto your skin, and you smiled inwardly at the feeling of human contact. It was true that you hadn't been close with anyone since you left home, no one to talk to, no one to touch. It was a nice feeling regardless of circumstance to feel another person, to be close to someone. You sat with that feeling for a while, living in the joy and warmth, and then you felt it. 

A jolt of electricity shocked you out of your head and your eyes flew open, only you weren't in the training room. You were alone in a field of flowers, the sun was warm on your skin and the blue sky accented the planets above. A little boy was running around, dark hair flowing in the wind, laughing at an older man chasing him, probably his father. 

"Come back here you little nerf herder!"

The older man was smiling as he scooped the child up and into his arms. The little boy screamed in delight as he cuddled into the man's chest. 

"What have I told you two about roughhousing outside?" 

A woman now walked up to the pair, hands placed on her hips. The man put the boy down, a serious look on his face. The woman smirked slightly before opening her mouth. 

"You two have to wait for me!" 

She began to chase after the pair, the family all laughing and basking in the sunny afternoon. But the light suddenly began to darken as the field morphed into something else, the wind began to rip through the flowers and destroyed the grass. The ground around you melted away and hardened, your hands sinking into a cold substance. You looked around again now met with a dark storm and fire in the distance. 

The hilly ground was almost black as you lifted your hands from the cold mud. But as you brought your hands to the glowing light, it wasn't dirt that they had been in. Crimson red ran down your hands and dripped onto your arms staining your skin. A scream ripped through your throat as you tried to jolt up from the ground, but you couldn't move. Your body was frozen as a figure began to make its way over the hill, the closer the thing got, the stronger the invisible force became, pressing your voice into the bloodied ground. 

The fire continued to burn as the storm let gusts of rain pelt your skin, the figure now only feet away, but you couldn't see anything but the boots that now fell into your vision. A moment passed where there was silence, just the rain against the ground, and then the blaring sound of a crackling lightsaber getting closer and closer to your ears. Closing your eyes, you let out a blood-curdling scream. 

"Y/N!" 

You heard your name being screamed out from on top of you, and you opened your eyes. 

The combat room was in shambles and the dark-haired man had his hands on your shoulders, his grip hard as stone. You were shaking, and your lip quivered as you sat up from the fetal position you were in on the ground. Looking around all the equipment that was once placed neatly in the room was now scattered about, some impaled into the shattered mirrors that were once on the opposite side of the room. His eyes were wild with surprise, and concern?

"What happened?" 

Your voice was hoarse as you spoke the question, once again breaking the rule that seemed to be the least of your worries now. He looked at you for a moment before letting you go and backing away to the center of the room.

"I will alert the Commander of your session today…your training with me is over." 

With his parting words, the handsome man made his way to the door and out of the room leaving you stranded and alone with the damage you had done. You sighed and grunted as you pushed yourself up and off the ground, your stomach growling as you regained your balance. Looking at the clock on the wall your eyes grew wide. 

11:30 P.M 

You rubbed your temple with your still shaking hands, maybe food was a good idea right about now. Walking out of the now destroyed room you made your way back into the labyrinth of hallways following the scattered signs around the ship to the kitchens and meal area. But before you could make any progress the familiar sound of boots falling hard on the ground behind you stopped your train of thought. You knew it was Kylo by the ferocity of the steps, and you began to panic, he knew about the training. You had to hide. 

Picking up your pace you turned down the next hallway and ran to the end. To your right was the main bridge entrance, and to your left was a maintenance hallway. He would have no issue killing you in front of his officers, but if he couldn't find you then how could he kill you? You quickly turned to your left and sprinted down the maintenance hallway looking for a closet or hole or something. You were shaking as you came across a small door. Perfect. 

Opening the door revealed a small supply closet, parts of tech and discarded worker droids were strewn on the floor and in the shelves. Shutting the door quietly behind you, you carefully stepped over the parts and slid down between a large BB-9M unit and the metal wall. You were lucky that the droid unit was a larger one, its boxy frame hiding your body. The footfalls of the Commander were gone now, but your breathing was out of control. For a minute or two there was silence, maybe he wasn't looking for you, maybe he was just going to go kill another trainee who completely destroyed the combat room and pissed off the random, but devilishly handsome man. 

You were lost in the possibilities of your demise when footsteps reentered their way back into your line of hearing. The heavy steps came closer and closer, slowing down as they neared the closet door. Your chest heaved up and down painfully as you held your breath, hands covering your mouth. You counted the seconds as silence blanketed the corridor. 

One.  
Two.  
Three.  
Four.  
Five.  
Six.  
Seven.  
Eight. 

The door kicked open suddenly crashing into the metal shelves causing parts and tools flying everywhere, lodging into the metal walls, nearly into your head. Hot tears streamed down your cheeks and onto your hands as you realized what was going to happen. This was really it.

You were going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so committed to finishing this story it is not even funny. What do you guys think...minor smut next chapter, maybe, yes? :) 
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU FOR READING MY TRASH I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH


	5. Compromising Positions

You were going to die.

Drying your tears, you slowly crawled out from your hiding place and stood up to face the commander. His giant frame stood in the doorway, his stance powerful, large hands clenched at his side. 

You went to open your mouth but before you could speak Kylo raised his arm and you began to feel your airways getting tighter and tighter until you couldn't breathe. Your hands flew up to your neck as his hand squeezed harder. Fear laced into your body as he began to walk closer, your feet backing up every step he took until your back hit against the cold metal wall. The commander loomed over you, his body now impossibly close, his hands nearly on your neck. There was something else now taking over your fear, it was deep, guttural and you couldn't quite place what it was. A heat began to come on, your body temperature rising as the foreign feeling settled in. But it wasn't foreign your brain thought, it was the action that caused the feeling to be foreign. Your face flushed even more red than it was from your lack of air as you realized the feeling was arousal. But before you could explore the shocking revelation, your train of thought was cut off by the sudden opening of your airways. Falling to your knees you breathed heavily welcoming the sweet feeling of air back into your lungs. 

You looked up at the commander, your hands still gently grasping your throat. He stood there, his head cocked to the side as you took in his giant form. You blushed even more profusely as you realized the compromising position you were in, on your knees in front of the commander. Imagine if someone were to walk by the supply closet out of nowhere, what they might think they saw. 

You felt how thick the air was with his hesitation. You prayed that it was the hesitation in murdering you in the small supply closet, warranting you with the least commendable of deaths. 

"You are finished with training and will return to regular work." 

The modulator cut his deep voice, but the rumbling made its way to your body all the same. 

"You will report to me in the morning." 

Before you could even utter a word, the cloaked man spun around and out of the supply closet, leaving you breathless and alone. 

You shook your head as you slowly got up from the cold floor, questioning how you had managed to survive the hell that had been your first day. 

Trudging out of the closet you wearily made your way to the food court. You kept your head down as you passed bustling officers and workers, the events of the day finally weighing down on your body. You perked slightly as you turned another one of the many metal corners of the endless ship and finally saw the gleaming metal of a cafeteria. It was empty now, being that it was half past midnight, but you assumed it had to be open due to the high volume of night workers on the ship. A little more energized by the thought of food you made your way into the common area and to the vending machines at the far-left corner.

Carefully making a selection you typed in your room code as instructed and out fell the packaged food waiting for you to pick it up. Reaching into the slot however you searched around with your hand, but it made contact with nothing but the cold inside of the machine. Your food wasn't there. Sighing you crouched down and let your knees fall to the solid ground peering into the small slot. Your eyes squinted to make sense of the darkness, but again there was no sign of the food you had been dreaming about all day. Sitting back, you punched the machine out of frustration and returned to the keypad once again. Taking a deep breath, you punched in the code for the food package you had before and entered in your room number as the Stormtrooper proof instructions had said. Again, a sound of falling food sounded in the empty room and you reached down again to retrieve your prized possession. But there was nothing. You kicked the machine hard, and you were knocked to the ground. Rubbing your temple your anger flared even more, stupid security protected useless food machines. 

Before you knew what was happening you felt your anger surge and leave your body, the machine exploded, and pieces of metal flew everywhere, a small pile of smoke left as the last remnants of the vending machine. 

Footsteps made their way into your range of hearing and you flinched at the embarrassing scene in front of you. Standing up and turning towards the noise you were met again with the man who had trained you earlier. His dark hair framed his angular face and his soft brown eyes glimmered in the dim lighting. 

"It's not what it looks like." 

Your voice was shaky and feeble in its attempt to explain the scene before you.

"No wonder the commander ended your trainings." 

Your eyebrows furrowed as you pride took a direct hit. 

"And how would you know this information?" 

Again, you felt your anger surge, this time though it was like a low hum coursing through your veins, stagnant but waiting. 

"Word travels fast around here." 

The tall man made his way closer and sat at one of the least non-protocol metal covered tables facing you. 

"Well don't believe everything you hear, gossip is childish and stupid." 

Your voice was stern as you brushed yourself off, glaring at the handsome man. 

"Who are you anyways, you trained me this morning and then left without a word?" 

It was your turn for answers. He seemed to think on this, his gaze never faltering as he stared you down. 

"I was a knight of Ren before I got promoted, my name is Ben." 

You smiled inwardly, proud of your assessment from earlier. He got up suddenly and made his way towards the exit before turning to you once more. 

"Don't destroy anything else for today…please." 

He began to walk away before you shouted in his direction. 

"Will I see you again?" 

He looked at you, this time you felt something oddly familiar in his stance. His hands were clenched, and his head cocked slightly to the side, an air of hesitance hanging between you. 

"Yes." 

And with that Ben was out of your sight. You began to walk out as well when something red caught your eye. Turning towards where the knight was just sat, an apple was sitting neatly on the table, teasing almost as it shone under the fluorescent lights. You smiled and picked up the ripe fruit, thankful for the first sign of kindness on the cold and dark ship. 

Eventually, you had made your way back to your room and in your bed. You sighed as you look at the time, far too late for you to want to admit. Snuggling under the warmth of your sheets you slowly drifted off to dreams of masked men, and the feeling of impending doom that awaited your first day back to work with the commander of the first order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is such shit, but let me know what you all think. As always thank you for reading my trash!!!!!


	6. Trespassing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Brief mentions of blood

You awoke with a start, sweat was dripping down your body, memories of a dream fading with each second you were alert. You sighed loudly and rubbed your hands down your face, peering through your fingers to look at the time, 5 a.m. It was then you realized that Kylo Ren had never actually given you a time or place to meet him today. Groaning you stood quickly rushing to put a standard uniform over your tired body. You cursed loudly as you tugged the black regulation pants on your legs, getting stuck slightly at your upper thighs. 

They were too small, but you had no choice but to yank roughly, the fabric becoming a second skin as you forced it on and over your now very accentuated hips and butt. Shaking your head, you prayed that the black tunic would cover at least some portion of your ass but tugging the shirt on you realized the position you were in, again the piece of clothing was too small for your womanly body, the shirt making your upper half look even larger than it already was. 

You sighed eyeing yourself in the mirror, you looked like a space hooker with your body on display for the entire first order to see. You were in too much of a rush to remember to put your hair up, so you shoved your feet in your at least sensible boots and ran out the door. But as soon as you locked the door behind you a strange feeling overcame your body, the hallways were deathly silent save for a strange low thrum seemingly vibrating in the air.

There was something else that you couldn’t quite place, but your body began to move down the dark hallways and through a maze of dark corridors. Images began to pop into your head, brief glimpses of movement. A man rocking back and forth, tears falling from his face, a dark room, a shrine of some sort. You could hear faint cries echoing in your head, and as you moved further down the dark corridor the images grew more vivid and the cries even louder. You could feel something reaching out, desperate, the thrumming was louder now almost deafening and then nothing. Looking around you were now stood in front of a door, a singular door in an empty hall. 

There was no noise other than the gentle thrum that had seemingly led you here and your own heavy breathing. You stared at the door, it was scratched and dull, the dents apparent against the contrasting metal. Reaching out to touch the imperfections, you jumped slightly as the door slid open revealing a dark room inside. 

Peering inside there wasn’t a soul in sight. Your feet moved into the new surroundings, not even realizing the door closing quickly behind you. It was barely lit as you walked around, there was a bed at the far end of the room, the black sheets were tousled and messy, the only sign of life in the otherwise empty place. There was an empty table and a torn sofa, but little else in the large room. Turning slowly, you looked closer at the walls, burn marks and gaping holes riddled the area, the line of destruction leading your eyes to another door. 

The air was heavier here, the thrum of before deeper now, it seemed to come from behind it, it…called to you? There was a soft whisper caressing your subconscious, tempting and dark, and you wanted it. As if in a trance you moved towards the door holding your hand up to the heavy energy hanging between you and what lay behind, and moved it towards the side, the door following and opening. 

A singular light shone down from the ceiling onto a clear glass case, a dark object lay inside. Your feet dragged your body towards the object, the thrumming growing in volume. Gently placing your hands on the side, you peered down into the glass protection, a disfigured helmet staring back at you. Your hands grasped onto the sides of the glass and tightened their grip as you lifted the casing to get a closer look. Glazed eyes locked onto the empty space of the misshapen helmet where eyes used to be, you could feel them gazing back through the emptiness. All of the sudden the thrum from before receded and you could hear the sharp breathing coming from behind you.

You turned your head quickly and your eyes were met with Kylo Ren, in seconds he ignited his lightsaber and you dropped the glass, the fragile casing shattering around the floor in sharp shards. Before you could even scream he was over to you in seconds his free hand lacing into your hair, pulling you back and onto the ground colliding into his sturdy legs, your head forced against his knee. He yanked harder forcing your head back and neck out, bringing his saber inches away from your face trapping you against his solid body and the lightsaber. Feeling the floor around you, you quickly grabbed onto a shard of glass and brought it to his leg cutting both your hand and his calf at the same time, both of you screaming as he let you go. You crawled over to the corner and feeling the energy around you lifted its weight bringing the shards of glass with it, armed and ready to strike. Your hand was shaking slightly as blood dripped down your arm and onto the ground. Kylo’s head was bent, taking in the extent of his injury and shot back up again looking straight at you. 

You screamed as he ran towards you, releasing the energy holding the shards of glass, and pushed it towards him. He was hardly phased as he waved his arms sending them crashing to floor disintegrating to dust. You struggled to crawl away as he grabbed you by the hair once again, his large leather clad hands dragging you back to your feet and against the wall. He yanked your head to the side again exposing your neck as his fingers pulled tightly on your hair. You groaned loudly, a tear falling down your cheek and onto his leather glove. His body was so close that you could feel the heat radiating off of him and onto you, or maybe it was the adrenaline, at this point you couldn’t tell. 

“Why are you here?” 

The modulator couldn’t hide the strain in his voice as he pressed his body closer to yours. 

“Tell me.” 

The rumble of his voice caused your hairs to stand on edge as you struggled against him, not evening knowing the answer to give him. 

“I don’t know, please just let me go.” 

You saw him tense, slowly shaking his head. 

“No, you will tell me what I want to know.” 

You felt a pressure in your head, different from the strain of being forced to one side, the thrum was back and deafening. It was jabbing but you refused to let it in, instead throwing the energy back at him. You felt fear and shock flood into the air as you felt the energy push through, not fully breaking down the invisible barrier, but cracking it enough that a second blow would. He let go of you before you could send another pulse, his chest heaving as he stood staring down at you.

“You will clean this and return to me for punishment of trespassing and being out of uniform.” 

His voice was quieter but deeper than before. He stood for another second staring in your direction before swiftly turning around out the door leaving you bleeding and alone surrounded by the destruction you had both created.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO I HOPE THIS MAKES UP FOR ME BEING AWAY BECAUSE I HAD SUCH WRITERS BLOCK BUT I KNOW WHERE I AM GOING NOW AND I AM SO EXCITED I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.
> 
> ALSO YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOUR COMMENTS MEAN TO ME, SO THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS LEFT SUCH AMAZING WORDS YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST


	7. War

Wiping the tears from your face you took in the surroundings attempting to figure out some sort of plan. Luckily for you, most of the shards had been disintegrated in the fight so there were only about four or five shards left to pick up. You were surprised at how compliant you had been in this whole situation, for a woman who never shut her mouth you had been so silent. Disgusted with yourself you bent down to pick up the sharp glass and hissed as you nicked yourself over and over until the last piece was gone from the floor. 

You reluctantly stepped out of the room and into the main cabin of Kylo’s quarters, but he was nowhere to be found. Gravitating towards another door you opened it to find a bathroom inside, empty of course, there was not a trash bin in sight. You would have to go find one. Stepping cautiously towards the entrance you opened the door from the keypad on the side and peered out into the hallways looking back and forth to see if anyone was around. When you saw that the coast was clear you stepped fully out and made your way towards the end of the long corridor finding a small door towards the end. While you didn’t have the best experience with supply closets, at this point you knew the consequences of not finishing the task would be more than your hesitation. 

Sighing heavily, you opened the door and hissed as the cool metal came in contact with the scrapes and gashes on your shaking hands. You blinked away tears as you stepped inside, getting rid of the glass in one of the disabled trash droids, and stopped at the sink. Drops of blood pooled slowly as you stood over the metal, a strange feeling coming over you once again.

The vision came in pieces, like before when you had followed the thrum to Kylo’s door, but this time more broken. You saw a man, flash into vision his face was hidden but physically distraught. The broad frame hunched over a sink much like yours, an anger present in the air. You started to find it harder to breathe as the anger became stronger, eventually overpowering your body as you hunched over yourself, immersed in the feeling. Your knuckles were white gripping onto the sink and hot tears began to stream down your face, teeth clenched. 

The anger was surging through your body and you could feel the heat running through your veins, becoming so powerful you let out a painful scream, the objects around you flying back and into the wall. You closed your eyes and let out a shuddered breath, the visions were gone, and so was the feeling. Controlling your breathing, you slowly peeled your fingers and injured palms away from the sink, stains of red left behind. You rinsed your hands quickly and ran out of the closet, not wanting to be there another second. There was no time for confusion or thought as you rushed back to Kylo’s room, a worse fate awaiting you. Stepping back into the open door, you saw the commander standing with his back towards you, his broad shoulders set, stance powerful.

“You…you have disobeyed direct orders from your commander, destroyed property of the first order, trespassed in locked quarters, and violated dress code all in two days.” 

He turned to look at you, his breathing heavy you noticed, hands clenched tightly. You were stunned for a moment, realizing how much chaos had happened in only a 48-hour period, not to mention the destruction you had just caused in another supply closet. But it wasn't your fault you thought, you were supposed to have a teacher to show you how to control it, and he didn't even bother to show up for your first lesson. Instead, he had someone in his place, he was the one who had failed, not you. Your own fists clenching, you glared at the mask that had caused so much chaos. He was too much of a coward to even show his face. 

"The only reason any of this happened is because you failed to be the teacher I was promised, you failed to be a leader, you are the only one to blame!” 

Your voice had started softly but by then end of your accusations, your shouting could be heard echoing in the room even after you had silenced. Standing firm, you held your gaze. 

“Is that so?”

His voice was teasing almost, but far too dark to be taken lightly. Kylo began to walk towards you, but you kept your stance, not moving an inch. His boots nearly touched yours and your neck strained as you looked up into the visor of his mask, trying not to falter as you took in his scent. Leather and dark pine made you waver slightly, but you mentally slapped yourself back on course. You were pissed, and you would not stay silent. 

“What are you going to do, kill me, destroy me like you do everything else?” 

Your voice was smooth, but barely above a whisper, your harsh words flying like small daggers. 

“Let’s start with your first punishment, since you have decided to dress like a whore let’s see if you can act like one.” 

You stumbled a bit at his words, but his arm shot out before you were out of range, fingers gripping your loose sleeve and pulling it down, ripping the fabric. Your shoulder stung being pulled down too, still not fully healed from the injury that brought you into this mess. You tried to back away, but your body collided with the cold wall, trapping you between it and Kylo Ren. 

He wasted no time in attacking again this time both hands gripping the collar of your shirt and ripping it in two, exposing your chest. Your arms shot up to cover yourself but a violent slap to your face left you gawking and teary-eyed, hands pressed against the wall. The leather of his glove and force of his hand left your face aching before his hand gripped your chin harshly, forcing you to look up at him. 

“You are worthless, you mean nothing, you’re nothing.” 

His fingers moved from your chin to grab your neck, wrapping around effortlessly, lightly squeezing but leaving enough room for some form of air to pass through your lungs. Kylo pressed his body against yours, and you could feel the effect of his power over you, a hard mass resting against your stomach. He was getting off on your torture. Your whole body was rigid and unable to move, Kylo keeping you in place effortlessly. 

His other hand disappeared below his belt and you could hear the rustling of fabric and the static of what had to be a groan coming from his modulator. His grip on your neck tightened as you felt movement between the two of you. A tear escaped from your eyes as you realized what was happening. His movement started to become more erratic and the grip on your neck was bruising, your vision beginning to go spotty. Closing your eyes, you could hear the reverberated groans coming from his helmet more frequently as the shaking of his movements quickened. With a final thrust of his hand, you felt your body buckle and you felt yourself falling, your eyes shooting open. 

Light filled your vision, but Kylo was not on top of you, and looking down your clothes were still intact. Your eyes widened as you spun your body, taking in your surroundings, you were back standing at the entrance of his quarters. Stepping into the room you looked around for any sign of what had transpired but there was nothing, no torn fabric, no pain, no commander. You jumped when you heard the sound of footsteps approaching the door, a dark figure following suit. Kylo. 

His tall frame filled the entrance as you looked in shock. 

“You will report to general Hux for your new assignments, you are dismissed.” His words were quick and direct and as soon as his commands were given he turned and was gone. There was something off about him, something wasn’t right, but you couldn’t identify what it was. Your head was throbbing as you trudged out of his room, your fingers massaging your temples. Was that a part of the vision you had in the closet? If it wasn’t real it had to have been, but why would the force show you that unless it was some disgusting unfulfilled part of your subconscious taking over the visions into some twisted fantasy? No, there had to be an answer. 

Gently tracing your neck with your fingers, you felt nothing but the soft skin, no bruises, no aches, no pain. Shaking your head, you tried to put the thoughts of the vision away as you made your way to the bridge to report to the general, but the questions kept rambling. A violent jolt shook you out of your thoughts as your body collided into the metal wall of the hallway, the balance of the ship off. Red lights began to flash as a siren started to go off. Stormtroopers began to flood the hallways as you entered the main intersection of the ship, crew running to stations, the main deck filled with officers. 

You stopped one of the troopers running past you.

“What the hell is going on!” 

You screamed over the blaring siren. The trooper stopped briefly, blaster in hand. 

“The ship is under attack, report to your station officer.” 

With that, the stormtrooper was off and you were left alone in a sea of people, on the most important ship of the first order, in the middle of all-out war. You rolled your eyes as you ran into the main bridge….and you thought your day couldn’t get any worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN ACTUAL TIMELY UPDATE, THE WORLD IS GOING TO END PEOPLE. I HAD THIS IDEA WHEN I WAS WRITING MY LAST CHAPTER AND I HOPE IT CAME OUT LIKE I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO IN MY HEAD SO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK. I LOVE YOU ALL!


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